Friday, September 9, 2016
Thursday, September 8, 2016
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Wednesday, September 7, 2016
WHY YOUR HOUSE IS STILL A MESS
As women with ADHD, we struggle to keep a clean home that’s neat and organized.
To this day, many years after meeting my neighbor Wendy, I am still amazed at what she did one day shortly after we met.
Wendy lives across the street from me and I can see the lights in her living room at night. It was summer, and I asked her about the white Christmas lights I saw through the window. My daughter’s mother in law uses those all throughout her house and while I love how it looks, I just can’t seem to do it in my own home.
Well, no sooner had I asked the question than Wendy decided to give me a tour of her home.
HER. WHOLE. HOUSE.
Even her teenaged boys rooms!
It was neat and tidy and everything was in it’s place. She apologized for not having put the pillow shams on the bed that morning.
OMG.
I could never.
Not in a million years.
Can you relate?
I bet you can.
Now your house may not be as bad as this one, but I know we all have room for improvement.
A few months ago, I purchased The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.
I am reading it, slowly but surely. I don’t have a lot of time for reading, and while I know I promised a review of the book for you a few months ago, it will have to wait until I finish reading. 
I do have a Pinterest board about the Kon Mari method, and I have been learning more about it from blogs that I read.
I wanted to share a couple of things that may help you, especially since they are tips for getting started.
And because this is a long post and may ramble slightly, I am giving you the tips right up front:
- Allow about 6 months to completely rid your home of things you no longer want or need
- Declutter by category, not location.
The declutter by category had me confused until today when I read something that made perfect sense.
Let’s say that you are decluttering – as I was – some boxes in the basement.
I came across several with pictures (photos) in them.
I also have pictures (photos) in the family room, the hall closet, a chest in the living room, and my bedroom. Maybe even in the garage.
These are not pictures or photos hanging on the wall; these are just several of the places where our photos ended up by pure chance.
If I organize the photos in the boxes in the basement, keep what I want, and then put them away in the basement, I have not adequately organized my photos because they are still all over the house.
The right way would be to get all of them together in one place and go through them in one session. Now the session may take more than a few hours or maybe even a few days, but once you are done, all of your photos are sorted.
You know what you are keeping and how much space will be required to store them.
My husband and I started reducing the amount of stuff in our house back in November, but with the holidays, we really didn’t get started until after Christmas. And because I hadn’t read the book, we did everything wrong.
Still, we have made progress, although I suspect we will have to go back through a second time and do it the Kon Mari way.
One of the things that I am finding in this stage of my life is a desire for less stuff.
We’ve gotten a lot done and I think that builds momentum to do more. I know it works for me.
We have actually set a personal goal of January 23rd to have everything we do not want, use, or love cleared out of the house. Looks like we are going to have a busy year and this is just one way to keep things somewhat sane.
It should also be noted that this goal is only for the house; the garage will need some major purging as well, which we have not considered at this point. It is winter, after all.
Let’s review those decluttering points once more:
- Give yourself 6 months to completely purge your house
- Work by category, not room or location
Does that make sense to you?
Think about the way you usually organize.
For me, I go room by room, closet, cupboard, or drawer at a time.
Things that don’t belong either go where they do, or get put somewhere else.
I found several photos in the kitchen drawer.
Guess where they are now?
On a table in the living room.
That’s not organizing properly. That’s just relocating.
Take a look at how you go about the practice of decluttering and organizing.
Is it working for you?
I will keep you updated on our progress as time goes on.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
ADHD, Bipolar, or Both? What You Need to Know
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/19/2016.
A recent article in ADDitude Magazine reminded me that about 20% of people with ADHD will develop Bipolar and about 70% of people with Bipolar also have ADHD. Wow! This is a huge overlap, and it’s important to know the characteristics of each, so that you can get treatment right.
It’s easy to confuse ADHD and Bipolar, as both conditions include symptoms commonly associated with ADHD.
According to Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D., both conditions “include impulsivity, irritability, hyperactivity, emotional dysregulation, sleep problems, a racing brain, and problems with maintaining attention.” Sounds pretty familiar to anyone who has been diagnosed with ADHD or has a spouse with ADHD. And lots of docs get these two confused, as well...in part because Bipolar issues might not show up until adutlhood.
However, Bipolar has some very specific characteristics that ADHD does not – depressive and manic ‘episodes.’ Episodic depression is not the same thing as being generally depressed, which many people with ADHD can be. Various studies put depression as a co-existing condition for those with ADHD at between 16-31% currently, with a lifetime incidence of a bit more than 50% of those with ADHD being depressed at some point or another. ADHD depression is something that relates to what is going on in your life…you move into it slowly and resolve it slowly. Bipolar depressive episodes, on the other hand, come and go periodically (perhaps several days of feeling really down) and come regardless of what is going on around you (i.e. not simply related to really depressing stuff happening to you.) Depressive episodes with Bipolar might also be identified by the depth of stark contrast of the depression vs. other times in the person’s life.
Manic episodes are identifiable by the severity and speed with which they come upon you, with no apparent reason. This isn’t being elated because you just got engaged…this is being driven to do things (often hyperactively) that you normally wouldn’t have a desire to do…being super charged and, again, not in relationship to what is going on around you.
Treatment and More Information
One of the reasons to be aware of the differences between Bipolar and ADHD is that the treatments for ADHD can make Bipolar worse…so best to get the right diagnosis first time around. (This is one reason to get a full evaluation, not a cursory 10 minute interview with your primary care provider if at all possible.)
If this sounds familiar, it’s time to learn more. These resources could help:
And, when it is finally published online, the Olivardia article is worth reading, as well: Solving the ADHD-Bipolar Puzzle in the Fall, 2016 issue of ADDitude Magazine.
Monday, September 5, 2016
ADHD and Fighting Stereotypes
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 07/25/2016.
When I work with couples impacted by ADHD I often see an unintentional bias towards using the label of ADHD as a negative descriptor, rather than as a medical term that enables treatment and describes a particular way of being. This negative labeling - used by both partners - hurts relationships. as it may lead to blaming the ADHD partner for ALL relationships issues, while providing too easy an out for non-ADHD partners who also play a role in relationship issues.
ADHD partners are often quite sensitive to the use of the label of ADHD as a result. This is easy to understand, and I've written a recent post on the topic at psychologytoday.com which I urge you to read. But more importantly for this adhdmarriage blog, what can you do to lessen the potential damage of stereotyping and labeling in your ADHD-impacted relationship besides the obvious - not using the label for anything beyond a medical descriptor?
Let me tackle that here with three immediately actionable ideas:
Be aware that every person has the right to change his or her mind. Try not to critique ADHD partners who do so, or feel that they are untrustworthy. If you are the ADHD partner, be open about why you changed your mind...and honest with yourself. If you 'just didn't get around to it' or ran out of time, then the decision to do something differently isn't about changing your mind, it's about an ADHD symptom that isn't managed as well as it could be. Look at what happened and learn from patterns you see. Take action to become more reliable.
Challenge all ADHD stereotypes with knowledge about ADHD from reputable sources. Yes, there are symptoms that describe the condition that probably mean someone with ADHD will make more than his or her fair share of mistakes. But not completing something does not need to translate into 'you are stupid or lazy'. It could me you have trouble staying on task. Learn what others with ADHD have done to deal with that particular symptomatic behavior. If you are a non-ADHD partner, exercise flexibility and patience as your partner searches for coping strategies that work.
Engage! Adults with ADHD cannot easily fight these stereotypes unless they actively try to manage their ADHD. You probably won't get things to be perfect, but just the act of genuinely applying oneself to address ADHD is enough for most non-ADHD partners. You will make progress, and your effort to do so tells your partner you care. Engaging means treating ADHD and its impact on your relationship very seriously. It DOES make a difference...and you can, too, by acknowledging this and doing all you can to improve your own ADHD-impacted actions.
The Negatives of ADHD
I can hear non-ADHD partners groaning as I write this, saying something like "but the ADHD symptoms really ARE negative! It IS a negative label!" Yes, ADHD has a serious, and often negative impact in the lives of couples. But my point is simply this - creating a stereotyped label that only looks at the negatives of ADHD does not do justice to the adult who has it - there is much more to that person than just the fact that s/he has ADHD. If the ADHD adult buys into the negative label then s/he can lose hope. If that adult fights the negativity of the label by denying ADHD can be a major problem, then active treatment is ignored. So focusing on the label and the symptoms of ADHD may be expedient, but it hurts in many ways...it obscures the good of the person who has it. The person who is caring, thoughtful, creative, energetic...or whatever those characteristics are OTHER than ADHD that you love. Too much "ADHD" focus and you lose touch with the positive. This is why I encourage couples to try to do fun and challenging things together - everyone needs to be reminded of the positive to counteract their troubles.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
#ADHD and Worklife Balance
Posted on
Notice that I didn’t title this “#ADHD and Work/Life Balance”. That’s because I’m not even close to figuring that shit out. However, I think I’ve figured out some things that are effective – at least for me, in the work place.
The biggest consideration that I have to keep in mind, in order to keep myself productive at work, is that I need to vary the types of activities that I perform during the day.
That generally means not just varying the tasks, but vascillating between mental and physical tasks. For example, I will often gravitate toward cleaning tasks at my office, when I can’t seem to focus on mental tasks. Sometimes the physical motion seems to get me back in the mood to think, too. In fact, sometimes my best thinking happens when I’m in motion, so that I’m able to come back to the mental task and be better able to engage in it.
Today I have worked on mental tasks…made some phonecalls…and am about to clean up a huge pile of paper that needs to be sorted through, after I bring a big pile of stuff out to the boss’s car that he needs for his next road trip.
Judging from the way I’m yawning right now, either I’m boring myself with this post or it’s time to get moving again, and away from the computer…so here I go…
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