by Word of Mom Blogger on April 02, 2014
Even before my son was diagnosed with ADD, I saw how people looked at, and treated, other children who have ADD or ADHD. I have three nephews who have ADHD. I've heard the whispers about them, and I've heard similar comments made about other ADHD children. I've seen the kids in my children's classes who struggle to conform to what is expected of them. I've seen the kids who want to play sports, but when it comes right down to it they can't do what the coach, or the instructor, is asking of them.
As adults, we can all look to find some empathy in ourselves for a child who is struggling in some way, even if it's a struggle we can't understand. And we can all work with our children to help them understand another child who's struggling, too.
I asked my friends who I knew had ADHD children for the types of comments they had heard, and then I decided to open it up in a post to my Facebook friends. So many people chimed in I was almost overwhelmed—and some of what I heard left my jaw hanging open.
These are real comments that were made to real mothers, who love their children:
- I guess it's easier to just medicate than to parent!
- Why don't you just/I would totally just beat his...
- Wow, I've never had those issues with my child.
- Yeah, my kid used to do that, but then I just eliminated sugar/dairy/carbs/snacks from his diet and he returned to being a perfect little angel.
- Wow, I'm so glad my child knows better than to act that way.
- I don't know how you do it…
- Wow, he's quite a handful isn't he?
- You just need to be more consistent/provide structure/get on the ball.
- Just give me a week with him, I'll straighten him up.
- I would never have gotten away with that when I was a kid!
- Are you sure he isn't just faking it?
- Have you considered alternatives to medicating?
- Have you tried medicating him?
- When he stayed at our house for the weekend we didn't bother with his meds, and he did great without them!
- You do know your child has ADHD, right?
- ADHD is nothing but an excuse for bad parenting…
- I am glad he's not my child.
- You would never know he wasn't normal at first…
- Since he does well in school there's no reason to treat his ADHD.
- Hang in there, it gets easier!
And one more that really gets me, personally: "They didn't have things like ADHD when I was a kid." I always want to say, Guess what? They actually did, they just hadn't named it, or figured out how to help kids who suffered from it then!
If there's a child in your life who has ADD or ADHD, or any other learning disability, it's so important to try to walk in their shoes. Think about how you feel when you are overwhelmed or overstimulated. Have you ever had just one (or two) too many cups of coffee in the morning, and find that you just cannot focus well enough to complete a task? Have you ever skipped lunch, and then around mid-afternoon your blood sugar drops and you can't remember what you were doing? Have you ever been in the most boring meeting or lecture ever, and you cannot force your mind to focus on what the lecturer is saying? I don't know for sure that this is exactly what my ADD child feels like, but if that's even one tenth of what my child, or any child, feels like...then I can empathize. Why can't we all do that with everyone we meet?
I believe, wholeheartedly, that there is no such thing as a perfect mother, or a perfect child, but we have each been given the perfect child for us to raise.
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Angela Keck is a work-from-home mother of two kids. She works as an online community and social media expert and blogging is a natural connection of her two passions. She loves writing about parenting, empowering mothers, and just about anything else that sparks her fancy. You can find her all over social media, especially Twitter and Instagram, and of course on her blog WriterMomBlog.com.
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