Can Marijuana Help With ADD and ADHD?

Published on Oct 10, 2016

Can cannabis, in the right dose, slow the brain down enough to assist with focus and concentration?

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5 Strategies to Mitigate ADHD’s Effect on Family

Recognize the ADHD Effect on Family

So often, parents of a child with ADHD are consumed by their child’s disability and special needs, and forget about themselves and the rest of the family. It’s a crucial mistake that can cost you and your loved ones dearly, and affect your child with ADHD as well. ADHD affects the entire family, and that must be acknowledged and treated as well.
In our home, we have myself, my husband, Mr. T (who is also my children’s father), my daughter (14), and Ricochet, my son with ADHD (11). Ricochet’s ADHD (and other special needs) affects all of us profoundly, but in different ways.

For me, Ricochet’s ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Learning Disabilities are emotionally and physically taxing. I have fibromyalgia, and stress exacerbates my symptoms and pain. As well, I am often in a state of emotional turmoil, working so diligently to help my son and feeling his pain as only a mother can. I try to take time for myself, but don’t do it as often as I should. Sometimes, I steal extra moments in the bathroom. Sometimes, I go for a walk. Sometimes, I visit the local bakery for sweet comfort. Sometimes, I get a pedicure. I always vegetate in front of the TV each night after the kids are in bed (whether the dishes are done and the house is clean, or not) — this is my time to stop thinking and to unwind. And I always have a stash of sugar-free chocolate in my possession.

The detriment of Ricochet’s ADHD on Mr. T is seen in our marriage. We often don’t see eye-to-eye on addressing behaviors and discipline, and that fuels a lot of arguments between Mr. T and I. I suspect it affects him in other ways too, but he’s not open about it.

My daughter, Warrior Girl, is really the greatest casualty of ADHD in our family. Her brother’s ADHD behaviors cause her significant anxiety. It has actually reached a level where a meltdown from Ricochet will cause her to have a meltdown of her own, usually in the form of a panic attack. She’s so afraid of public meltdowns that she tries to get out of going anywhere with her brother. It’s so tough to watch her unravel. Unfortunately, we just can’t insulate her from ADHD.

Then, of course, there’s my sweet boy, Ricochet. Obviously, ADHD affects his life in consistent and profound ways. He can never get away from it, not even for a moment, because it’s part of his physiology. It goes where he goes, relentlessly. ADHD can be “tamed” though, and we are working on that a little every day.

Take Action

So what can we do to mitigate ADHD’s affect on our families? That’s a tough question, and there is no simply answer. In fact, the answer will be different for each family. And the answer isn’t really an answer in the true sense at all — it’s more like little doses of relief and improvement. Here are some ideas to try with your family:

• Make sure each family member gets some uninterrupted alone time. Hide out in your bedroom and demand to not be disturbed. Take a walk alone. Go for a scenic drive alone. Have your spouse/partner (or a friend or extended family member, if you’re a single parent) take the kids out of the house for a few hours. There are many ways to accomplish this, the trick is to not make excuses to not do it. (I also attend the Happy Mama Conference & Retreat every year.)
• Have the entire family participate in therapy. Even if your neurotypical child doesn’t react as significantly to their sibling’s ADHD behaviors as my daughter does, ADHD is affecting them. Counseling for each family member will be beneficial to learn both strategies to deal with their family member’s ADHD and how to cope with the disruption ADHD brings to your home.
• Plan family activities where your child with ADHD can be successful. Building family togetherness is just as important as alone time for each individual. Success for the ADHD child will not only boost their self-esteem, but it will also promote a positive association for family members who witness it. It’s important that everyone in the family recognize that there can be good times despite ADHD as well. Team Building is important in the corporate world, and it’s important in your family.
• Pay special attention to siblings. My daughter’s favorite thing to do right now is go somewhere alone with me. She requests it at least once every week. She needs time when there’s no potential for ADHD to muck up our plans or escalate her anxiety. We do different things together, like go to the bookstore, see a movie, get a sweet treat, hit the mall, or enjoy a pedicure. What you do together isn’t important — showing your child the same intensity of interest you show their sibling is.
• Meet with others with ADHD in their family for support. If you have someone to talk with about having a child with ADHD in your family, you are less likely to need to focus on it so much with other family members. Attend a formal support group meeting, or just grab coffee with others who share a similar parenting experience. Those people are there to talk about ADHD; your family has a greater purpose.

ADHD can overwhelm you. It’s the constant elephant in the room. It’s crucial to not let it have the control in your family.

What do you do to mitigate the affect ADHD has on your family members?

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Author: Penny Williams

Penny Williams is the award-winning author of three books on parenting kids with ADHD, Boy Without Instructions, What to Expect When Parenting Children with ADHD, and The Insider’s Guide to ADHD. She is a frequent contributor on parenting a child with ADHD for ADDitude Magazine, Healthline, and other parenting and special needs publications.

Stop Putting Labels on People.

How to Build Resilience: Quarters of Encouragement

Published on Oct 7, 2016

The secret to success, especially for those of us with ADHD, seems to be resilience. It doesn't matter how many times we fail, as long as we get back up. There are lots of ways to build resilience, but encouragement is one of the easiest and most powerful. Whether you or your ADHDer are struggling with grade school, friends, relationships, college or career, here are some ways to use "quarters" of encouragement to build the resilience necessary to keep bouncing back.

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LINKS:

Dr. Hallowell: “How One Teacher Changed My Life” http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/artic...
Teaching resilience to ADHD children: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/artic...
The right kind of praise: http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/...
Building Resilience in Children: https://www.healthychildren.org/Engli...
How to Build a Child’s Self Esteem: http://www.adhdtogether.com/life-skil...
For ADHD adults: Silence Your Inner Critic http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/artic...
Research paper: Reasons for Success and Implications for Resilience:https://www.deepdyve.com/lp/guilford-...
Not just about resilience, but found this and loved it — “Adult ADHD: 50 tips of management”http://www.drhallowell.com/adult-adhd...

How to caption a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjCU0...

"The Show Must Be Go”, "Anguish"
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b...

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  • Snapple and Cats!

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ADHD and acting impulsively

By Donna Krutka, MD

Dr. Krutka is a board-certified pediatrician who works in private practice in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Her practice includes all ages of patients from newborns to young adults. Her areas of interest include attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, adolescent gynecology and sports medicine. She attended the University of Missouri Medical School and did her residency at UCLA Harbor General Hospital in Torrance, California.    Article Source

Acting impulsively ironically is one of the most consistent problems a person with ADHD has to deal with.  In children, this trait can be exhibited by such acts as running carelessly out into the street, climbing on ledges, high walls or rails without thinking about consequences (such as falling, being hit by a car etc).  It can also be exhibited by mindlessly talking or blurting out silly statements that at the time may be rude or irrelevant. Teenagers who have ADHD are known to drive recklessly and often get into accidents because of taking chances that proved to be unsafe.

In adulthood, impulsivity may manifest itself in different ways.  One of them might be by being a shopaholic.  In that scenario the person might not be able to resist buying something.  Sometimes, two or three items are bought because being impulsive mean you like them all without being able to discriminate between cost and need.

Another way being impulsive can manifest in adults with ADHD is the inability to say no to alcoholic beverages or recreational drugs.  The” turn off” valve in the brain somehow gets mixed in with the impulsiveness and in the process the ability to resist more drinks or drugs falls by the wayside.

Not everyone with ADHD exhibits these traits but if you find that you struggle with some of these characteristics it’s important to have some insight into why this might be happening.  The impulsivity that is part of the ADHD syndrome may make a person so vulnerable to not being able to say “no.”

That isn’t fair is it?  No; but it is extremely important to know about your behavioral traits which may end up saving your job, your relationships, and maybe your life!

Academic Doping

Published on Oct 10, 2016

NBC’s Ronan Farrow digs into a growing problem on campuses nationwide: In the high-pressure world of academic achievement, there is one "fix" students are turning to at an alarming rate to get ahead that some call "academic doping," and experts say it has a very real - and largely ignored - dark side.
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‘Academic Doping’ On The Rise: Number Of Students Abusing ADHD Drugs Increasing | TODAY

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Kids with ADHD are NOT Bad Kids!

Why Punishments Don’t Work (But What Works Better!)

Anyone with an ADHD child can relate to this story:

Last weekend, I took the kids (I’ll call them Mimi and Man Cub) to the local bookshop in town. It’s a nice place for a hot cocoa, where you can look at robot kits and roam around for awhile. It makes for a nice morning out. I told the kids that we’d just look around.  (dun dun duuuuun!)

But then my son saw a first aid kit that he just had to have. It had tweezers and band aids and a mini-scissors in a small red tin with a white cross on it. I quietly reminded him of what I’d said about not buying anything, but I could see it was futile. Anticipating his reaction, his sister and I began heading for the exit as he started yelling.

“It’s not fair!”

“This is the WORST!”

“I HATE YOU!”

These are the moments that are the most trying as a parent. They test your patience, they challenge your confidence, and they make you wonder if you’re possibly a total failure.

What kind of a kid hates their parent?!

Man Cub followed me into the street, screaming. He cried all the way to the car, and he stood outside the car for a few seconds, stomping his feet and repeating himself.

“It’s not fair! It’s not fair!”

His sister and I sat waiting for him to get inside the car. People on the street stared at the scene. It was awful. 

Internally, I was stomping my own feet, screaming, “What’s not fair is that I can’t even go to thebookstore on a Saturday morning without having to take part in terrorist negotiations with aspoiled seven-year-old! Get in the effing car you brat!”

 Externally, I sat stony-faced.

ZERO REACTION.

I reminded his sister to do the same.

 After a minute, he got in the car. He continued grumbling and whining while I drove home, which was thankfully only a few minutes away. When we got home, I told him he had to go to his room.

 “After you chill out, we can talk about it.”

 He refused, which is typical. I told him that he could sit in the car alone until he was ready to go to his room (which is upstairs in the house), but he would not be allowed to be downstairs with us until he did as he was asked. His sister and I went in.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED AS A PSYCH NURSE:

My first job out of nursing school was at a psychiatric hospital.  I worked with an acute inpatient population, so I learned a lot about working with people in crisis.  A few things that I took away:

1. When people are really upset, they aren’t rational. This is not the time to lecture. You are wasting your time trying to teach a child a lesson or negotiate with them when they’re in a rage or in the middle of a crying jag.

2. An angry person is a force to be reckoned with. You will never convince someone not to be angry, and efforts to overpower them will make them far angrier.  Methods to physically restrain a child are only appropriate if they are  a real, physical danger to themselves or others.

3. To de-escalate, try removing the audience. People will calm down a lot quicker with no one to witness the drama because it’s both less embarrassing for them and it eliminates the positive feedback from the attention factor (if that is what they are after).

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After 10 minutes, Man Cub came in the house a bit calmer and said we could talk. Doubting this, I asked if he was ready to discuss what happened at the store and why it was a problem. This renewed his anger and he started yelling again. I walked him up to his room as he reminded me how awful I am.

–Deep breaths.-

I reminded myself that I always wanted to be a mother. I told him he needed to stay in his room for awhile until he could talk to me calmly and respectfully.

In our house, we have a rule.

We all have feelings and we can talk about our feelings openly, but we cannot scream at people or cry loudly downstairs in the living area. Our bedrooms are where we go if we are not in control. This goes for all of us, me included. So if I find myself losing my patience with the kids, I tell them that I need some time-out, and I go to my room. Sometimes parents need a time-out, too! This makes it less of a punishment and more of a reminder that we need to give ourselves time to calm down. It also creates boundaries.

The whole household should not be held hostage because of one person’s meltdown.3

Man Cub called down to me three times over the course of an hour and a half, and the first two times he lost his temper when he tried to talk. That was my cue to tell him that I’d be back soon. I said it calmly and rubbed his back. This was not a punishment. I was waiting to process this with him when he was ready. The third time, he was.

Man Cub: “This is hard, Mama.”

Me: “I know, Baby.”

Many people consider the job done when their child has regained control, but I think that what follows is the most important part. This is when we can actually learn something.  Both of us.

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Why ADHD Kids Have Meltdowns

Children with ADHD have a hard time sorting through their thoughts. The impulsivity that is a hallmark symptom  of ADHD means that they frequently act on their thoughts before they process them. Even afterward, it can be difficult for them to identify the feelings or put into words what was frustrating them, making problem-solving challenging.

Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children, created a method called collaborative and proactive solutions, based on the idea “kids do well if they can.” This is the common-sense but almost revolutionary concept that children want to do well, get along, and be loved. They are social beings, and if they have the skills necessary, they do not choose to be unhappy, angry, and to disappoint their parents!

Dr. Greene asserts that challenging behaviors occur when the demands being placed on a child exceed his capacity to respond adaptively due to lagging skills.

This means that Man Cub would maintain control of his temper if he was able, but he lacks the skills to identify his frustrations and problem solve quickly, so he gets overwhelmed and has a meltdown instead.

Why Punishments Don’t Work

In Lost at School, Ross Green says, “Imposed, logical consequences don’t teach lagging skills or help kids solve problems any better than natural consequences do.” That’s why the answer isn’tarbitrarily-imposed consequences like restrictions or corporal punishment. The solution isn’t to impose dominance over your child.

The key is to recognize your child’s unique set of lagging skills and to develop these skills… because punishing him doesn’t teach him those skills!1

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When a child has a problematic behavior, you have three options with which to respond.

You can: A. force him to do what you want, B. work on a solution together, or C. ignore the behavior. There are times when each of these options may be appropriate. You may choose to force a child to comply when you tell them to quit playing in the road, or you may ignore a low-priority behavior for the sake of ‘choosing your battles.’

Dr. Greene’s method outlines a way to work through Option B. It is useful in a variety of situations, from processing meltdowns to working through other problem areas like homework conflicts or if you identify a particular behavior you want to address (lying, stealing, hitting, etc).

Let’s see plan B, the method for solving problems collaboratively, in action.

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Collaborative & Proactive Solutions

STEP ONE: EMPATHY STEP

Here we gather information about how the child sees the problem and show that we are invested in figuring it out together.

Me: “Hey Baby. I’m glad you’re calmer. Let’s talk about what happened earlier. You seemed really upset. Tell me what you were thinking and feeling at the store just before we had to leave.” (Be careful not to assume you know what the child was thinking or feeling, and don’t skip this step. Also, don’t use language that shames the child, because it makes them defensive.)

 Man Cub: “I wanted that first aid kit. I thought it would be really helpful if we were out hiking or something. I didn’t know why you wouldn’t just buy it for me. It wasn’t that much.”

Me: “Did you remember that I said we wouldn’t buy anything in the store?” 

Man Cub: “Yeah, but it seemed like a dumb rule and I just wanted it and I got really upset.”

STEP TWO: DEFINE THE PROBLEM

Identify the concern or problem.

Me: “How did it make you feel when you were outside and people noticed your tantrum?” (In this case, I wanted Man Cub to identify the problematic behavior  himself.)

Man Cub: “Embarrassed.”

Me: “When you were a baby, people expected you to act like that, but now that you’re seven, they expect you to act differently. How do you think they expect you to act?”

Man Cub: (groaning)  “They think I should be more grown up. I wish I didn’t act like that.” (He looked really sad now.)

Me: “Honey, I know you don’t want to act like that. I felt badly for you even when it was happening, even though I was angry. I knew you must be upset with yourself, too. I’m sorry.” (I gave him a hug.)

 STEP THREE: INVITATION STEP

Solving problems collaboratively and brainstorming ideas together.

Me: “I wonder how we can help you to feel more in control of yourself next time we’re in a situation like that so you don’t feel embarrassed when you lose it.”

 Man Cub: “I wish I didn’t see that stupid first aid kit!”

Me: “Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to go to the bookstore if I knew I didn’t have money to spend. Or maybe I should have been clearer about why we couldn’t spend money today. It wasn’t just a rule I made up to be mean, Sweetie. I need to be careful with money right now because of my job change, and I’m trying to be responsible. Maybe if I explained that, you would have understood the rule more?”

Man Cub: “Maybe.” 

Me: “What about using the deep breathing and counting technique you learned with the therapist?”

Man Cub: “I always forget about that when I’m upset.”

Me: “Is there something that could help when you lose your cool, to remind you to try that? Like a secret signal? I could give you a code word!”

Man Cub: “That might work…”

Me: “How about ‘Check yo’ self?’”

Man Cub: (giggles) “I’ll try the breathing next time if you remind me.”

Me: “We can try that code word next time. And I’ll explain the rule better next time so you know it’s a firm rule with a good reason. If you feel better now, we can go down and make lunch now. Want some tuna?”

After that, Man Cub moved on with his day with a clean slate and the event was forgotten. The point was not to punish him, but to give him time to exercise self-soothing and calm down in private until he was ready process what happened, and then to work together on identifying what the problem was and how to avoid it in the future. The focus was on strengthening our relationship, not on asserting my dominance.

And I learned something, too, which was that next time, a better understanding of the reason for the rule would help him accept it. I don’t ascribe to the notion that children should always go along “because I said so.” I think children learn so much by asking the reasons for things, and I’m not above explaining why so they can understand how the world works.

Note that I still held firm to the expectation that I set. I did not give in and buy him anything when he begged at the store, and I did not go back later and get it, either. I stood by my rule, but I was kind and reasonable in discussing it and problem-solving with him once he was able to do so calmly and respectfully. I also modeled respectful behavior by maintaining my cool during and after his meltdown.

I encourage you to give collaborative and proactive solutions withyour child.

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Dr Greene’s book The Explosive Child is a very thorough resource on the subject, providing “specific, practical ways [parents] can recognize the signs of an impending explosion, defuse tension, and reduce frustration levels for the entire family.”

Dr. Greene’s nonprofit, Lives in the Balance, has a website with a lot of resources, including aone-page overview of this method. There is also information on identifying lagging skills and unsolved problems through use of an instrument called the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems (ALSUP), and a guide for using the assessment can be found here.

A Plan B Cheatsheet can also be found on the site, outlining in more detail the steps of the collaborative problem-solving method I outlined in this post.

Books by Dr. Ross Greene

(Get Two Free Audiobooks with Audible)

Lost and Found: Helping Behaviorally Challenging Students (and, While You’re At It, All the Others)

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them

For further reading, check out my Recommended Books page. In particular,  Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn.

Disclosure: Some of the links in the post above are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive a small commission that helps support the site. I only link to products or services that I use or am very familiar with and that I would personally recommend to my readers. Read my full disclosure policy here.

Works Cited

“Anger Management.” Anger Management. Web. 24 Apr. 2015. http://www.chadd.org/Understanding-ADHD/Parents-Caregivers-of-Children-with-ADHD/Behavior-and-Social-Skills/Anger-Management.aspx

Greene, Ross W. Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges Are Falling through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them. New York: Scribner, 2008. Print.

Photo: libertygrace0 (image altered)

About Carolyn

I'm Carolyn Mallon, RN, and I have ADHD. I'm also parenting at least one ADHD child, so it makes for quite an adventure! I don't have all the answers, but I certainly share the challenges of many ADHD parents! I started this blog as an exercise to help us improve our game at home and at school. Join us! Posted by Carolyn